Potty training one toddler is a challenge. Potty training multiple children of the same age is like gearing up for an Olympic event. It involves more equipment, more training time, more mess, and parents who posses exponentially more patience.

You are bound to come up against many roadblocks. On the upside, you will have the advantage of peer pressure. Siblings can have a huge influence on each other – especially when it comes to toilet habits, so you’re already one step ahead!

However, it won’t be all sunshine and roses. You still will have some significant hurdles when potty training. Much advice is the same as with the individual child, but some applies specifically to multiples. Here are a few tips.

One potty chair won’t be enough. Training is stressful enough as it is without asking your multiples to share the potty. When a child has to go, it’s nearly impossible in the early stages to ask them to wait their turn. You could be taking steps back instead of forward.

Let each child have his or her own potty chair. Potty training is about the individual child, so have the chair represent them and give them a sense of ownership when they have their own piece of furniture that no one else can use.

Because establishing a routine is the best way to potty train your child, you may want to make it a fun game for your multiples. This will make it easier on you and make it a pleasant experience for them.

When you are trying to train multiples, don’t let them go diaper-less unless you have someone else there to watch them. You will likely find yourself doing little more than cleaning up accidents if you go it alone.

There is bound to be a bit of chaos in your house with toddler multiples, so it’s probably going to be a bit difficult for you to get them to notice their body’s signals that it’s time to use the potty. Let them bring toys or books into the bathroom with them when they need to sit on the potty and focus.

What if you have one child who is interested in potty training and another one who isn’t? This is where you need to be a little less enthusiastic about the process. When one child goes on the potty, DO give him or her praise, but dole it out and then move on.

Absolutely DO NOT make the other child feel inferior because his or her sibling is successfully using the potty. There is a certain amount of competition that naturally exists with multiples anyway. Don’t intensify that competitive spirit. They’ll go eventually, just be patient.

You may also want to stay away from treats for using the potty in this situation. Toddlers have a difficult time understanding the sharing process, so when one child gets something that the other one doesn’t, you may be faced with some pretty big temper tantrums and resistance.

You may also be faced with some regression issues with one of your children. Don’t push in this situation. Your child may be having some real emotional issues with the idea of separation from their diapers and each other. Until both are ready, step back and let your children lead the way.

Structure is very important – especially with multiples. We’re not just talking about potty time but all the time. Make potty time a daily ritual that is fun!

You may want to separate the kids as much as you can during training. Lessening the intensity that exists naturally between them will help all of you. Give them some one-on-one time and let them listen and focus better with your undivided attention.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you get too involved in the process, you may find your children resisting. When someone else is around to buffer the situation, you’re much more likely to have a slightly easier time.

Try not to get frustrated and angry at resistant kids. All you can do when one or the other resists is to back off. If you push them too much, their natural urge will be to resist and you will have more problems than if you just let it go for awhile. They’ll get it eventually.

Ultimately, to achieve peace, yours and your children’s, let them take the lead. If they want to go on the potty, fine. If they want to wear diapers, that is okay too. They have to work out their ambivalence and all a mom can do (and this is the hard part) is wait patiently until they do.

Girls are generally a bit easier to train than boys, but the funny part is that when you are training boys, there are many more tricks to getting them to successfully use the potty.

The same training methods apply to special needs children as to other children. More record keeping may be necessary to find patterns such as in the time between eating and drinking and need to eliminate.

If advised by consulting physicians and specialists to toilet train the child, a great deal of patience and a longer time frame may be necessary. Many other skills accompany even simple routines for children with physical or mental impairments.

As a parent, you are the only one who knows your child’s abilities. You can gauge whether or not they are even near being able to grasp the thought or tasks involved in potty training.

Just like with all other children, you need to be sure that your child is fully able to understand his or her’s bodily functions and what to do with those feelings when they arise. You have to let your child dictate to you when the time is right.

Once you reach that point, use the same techniques we’ve outlined throughout this whole book. Just because your child has special needs doesn’t make them all that different from every other child. As you are well aware, potty training special needs children just requires a little adaptation.

You need to do a clear task analysis of each process that trainers and parents often take for granted. This may involve actually writing down every step taken in order to go to the toilet. The tasks might include some of the following:

• Recognizing when she/he has to go to the bathroom
• Waiting to eliminate
• Entering the bathroom
• Manipulating clothing closures
• Pulling pants down
• Sitting on the toilet
• Eliminating in the toilet
• Using paper correctly
• Pulling pants up
• Flushing toilet
• Washing hands
• Drying hands

You may notice that many of the signs outlined above are the same as any other child who is ready to begin potty training. Your special needs child is no different. You need to be aware of what to look for before taking on this difficult task and then start with the right attitude for both you and your child.

To see if your child is ready to learn toilet training, answer the following additional questions.

• Can the child follow simple directions? (“Come here.”)
• Can the child sit in a chair for five minutes?
• Can the child wait at least 1-1/2 hours between elimination times?

Recognizing the signs that your child is ready for the potty is the best way to know when it’s time to begin. You are no different than any other parent at this point in your child’s development. Sure they might a little older, but you still have to help your child travel this road with as little disruption and distraction as possible.

When you are focused on the job, they’ll be focused on the job too. That will make the job easier on both of you!

What about multiples? When you have twins or even (gasp!) triplets, the issue of potty training becomes even stickier. But in actuality, you are going to have an easier time than you might think.

Life changes can be difficult for an adult, so they’re even more difficult for a toddler. When changes occur during a child’s life, often their way of dealing with it is to go back to a time when they were taken care of and didn’t have to take control of things like their bodily functions.

Some of these events may include:

• Starting school or day care
• Moving to a new home
• Divorce or separation
• Birth of a new sibling
• A parent going to work outside the home

Please realize that this is not unusual and many children experience this type of setback. However, the setback is usually temporary and can be rectified within a reasonable time frame and actually quite easily.

At this point, if there are no other problems, you may just need to offer reminders to use the potty so that the bowel movement is done there instead of going on the floor. This is easy if he or she has BMs at about the same time each day, but even if he or she doesn’t, you might have him or her sit on the potty for 4-5 minutes right after waking up and after meals. Those are times when most children are likely to have a bowel movement. Even if he or she doesn’t go, you can offer praise and extra attention simply for the fact that they tried.

Treat accidents lightly and avoid negative reactions. That means cleaning them up matter-of-factly and reminding your child that they are supposed to go in the potty. This is not a situation that generally requires any kind of punishment.

Be sure that you “don’t overreact.” You want to be careful that you don’t reinforce the behavior, since any negative attention your child gets for doing this can reinforce it. And you don’t want to make it a power struggle. With strong-willed children, reinforcing unwanted behavior will make them want to continue doing it. Yelling or punishment is reinforcing. Even though it’s negative, it’s still attention, and that’s what they want.

Figure out why they are regressing. Talk to your child in a matter-of-fact way and ask them why they don’t want to use the potty anymore. Children are very honest, and they will probably be “itching” to tell you!

If you feel you need to discipline, learn more about using effective discipline. Discipline isn’t to be confused with spanking or time outs. Discipline is when the parent does what they plan and have said they would do. They follow through and remain consistent in encouraging desired behaviors. Routines will help during regression as well. Go back to where you were when you first established your potty routine and put it into play again. Stay positive and re-introduce the motivations you did before they were fully potty trained.

Talk to your child and listen to them even when you are not addressing them directly. Discuss their responsibilities for their waste and the consequences for not following through on those responsibilities. Be clear and matter-of-fact. Minimize your words during clean-up and stay calm. If you let this process become emotionally charged, that’s where the focus will be and that is ineffective and negative. Make it clear that this is their responsibility and simply instruct them about what needs to be done during clean-up and then when they have to go potty again.

Often, distractions are a big part of regression. Some children get so involved in projects, books, TV shows, etc. that they “forget” to go and it just doesn’t make much difference to them if they are involved in these activities. For example, if they are watching “The Wiggles” and getting completely involved in dancing to “Do The Monkey” that they don’t go to the bathroom, make them go before the show is on and tell them that way they won’t have to worry about making an accident. If they have an accident after that, turn off the program until they can control their behavior.

Taking away something from a child when they have done something that is not a desired behavior can be a powerful motivator. Some parents think it’s mean and unfair, but we’re talking about a child here. They have to learn somehow, and this method works – mean or not.

Always follow up any discipline conversation with hugs and at least one “I love you”. Remember that your child wants to please you. If they think that you might withhold love, you could have the opposite effect of what you want. Your child needs to know that you love them but are not happy with their behavior. This happens throughout raising a child, so practice it often.
As we’ve said before, learn why your child has stopped using the potty. It is easier for a child to learn the mechanics of going to the bathroom, but not so easy for him to accept some of the emotional issues that may come along later. And not all children are capable or willing to discuss it.

If your child wants to talk, be there for him or her. It may help you decide how to proceed if the accidents continue. If he adamantly does not want to talk, respect his feelings.

Maybe he or she is afraid. It was fun during the early stages, but now that they are trained, their little brains could start to introduce unfounded fears in their psyche.

Common toilet fears include fear of seeing his poop go down the toilet and losing that part of him, fear of getting hands dirty when wiping, fear of seeing or hearing a toilet flush, fear of painful bowel movement. Other reasons may include lack of desire to stop playing to go, loss of the excitement of this new ‘game’, associating toileting with ‘growing up’ and deciding it is more comfortable to just stay little.

There are some cases where children use toilet issues to express anger and aggression. For this, seek professional help.

A reward chart or chart where you place stickers for the days when he doesn’t have an accident can also be helpful. As can reading some of the potty training books for children. Since he has been potty trained for so long, this is likely not a time to go back to diapers or pull-ups. You should also avoid anything else that makes him feel ashamed for having accidents. Remember that it is normal and common for children to have set backs with potty training.

If you have come to the realization that the accidents are not stopping and you have given your child the chance to work through it by themselves, you need to take a step back and look at all the information you have compiled throughout this process. Return to the days when you were just beginning potty training and start from square one.

You have choices. You need to decide how much you are willing to do in order to work this problem out. Do you want to obsess about it for weeks on end or just downplay it and let your child work his or her own way through the problem and get back to no-diapers or pull-ups?

Each child is different. What works for one may not be successful for another. That is why you need an arsenal of tools and tricks to get your youngster interested and keep him or her with the program until you have achieved that goal of independence.

Some children really want to continue toileting. Sometimes the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the child with his toileting routine. If you decide it is best to try to keep your child on track, then gear up for retraining in a positive, loving and supportive way.

Prepare yourself for what can become a long, frustrating time. Your attitude is important – keep it fun and upbeat if you can. Never blame the child. Even the most even- tempered, devoted and selfless of parents have found their limits tested.

Frustrations can be minimized by planning to spend extra time with your child (preferably at home) observing when and why the accidents occur. Expect to deal with accidents and try to find a way to avert them. Could your child simply miss all that attention he used to get for toileting successes? If you find yourself becoming too frustrated with the situation to cope in a positive, loving and supportive way, consult your pediatrician, read and take parenting classes.

Do not allow a significant other, mother-in-law or neighbor (however well-intentioned) to interfere with your parenting choices. Pick your battles, and realize this one in particular can be a tough one.

If you decide to go for retraining you need to be prepared to follow through in a positive way. Read up, get support. If you decide this is not the best time to try to work through it that is OK. You and your child should decide together how to handle accidents. Whatever you decide, this is just one of many parenting decisions we must make with no clear-cut answer. It will work out no matter how you proceed, as long as you have the child’s best interests in mind.

Above all, just have fun with this process – both during potty training and during regression. As you know, your child is growing rapidly before your very eyes. Focus on enjoying this age and stage with your child.

If you can keep a good attitude through all the trials, you will have given your child much more than basic toilet skills. Your child will learn he or she can trust you. They will know that they are important. They will learn how to communicate better. He will understand how you can help him when he is troubled. He will learn you will always love him, even when he messes up. That is what is really important.

If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem or problems are minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician’s help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious.

Sometimes, your child is simply not able to gain control of his or her bowels. Much of this might have a lot to do with his or diet. If you alter the diet, you may have a better chance of helping your child be able to poop effectively on the potty.

Here are some dietary changes that you may want to look at:

• Decrease milk products (milk, cheese, ice cream, etc.).1f a doctor recommends eliminating milk products for any length of time, a calcium supplement will probably be recommended.
• Decrease or eliminate apples, bananas, rice, and gelatin. These are binders. Opt for peaches, instead.
• Chocolate is a constipating food especially when consumed in quantity. Some medications are, too.
• Increase whole-grain breads, cereals, muffins, and any other bran foods. Try adding bran to other foods. If your child will only eat bran cereal with milk, and you’re trying to cut down on milk, dilute the milk with water first. Offer graham crackers rather than soda crackers. Roughage, such as lettuce and carbs helps.
• Possibly decrease fluid intake (milk, juices, sodas) to increase a child’s appetite for bulkier foods. However, remember that fluids are important if you are dealing with constipation and shouldn’t be drastically reduced. Encourage your child to drink water.
• Try prunes — the old stand-by, and dried fruits (if you can get your child to eat them!). Prune juice can be mixed with a small amount of milk. Encourage your child to eat fruits and vegetables with skins on, seeds, and berries for the fiber value. Fruit nectars are good, too.
• Expect to wait two weeks or so before seeing a noticeable change in bowel movements after starting a new diet. Don’t resume bowel training until such a change occurs.
• Very loose stools can also inhibit bowel control but are often a sign of other problems (infection, milk allergy, etc.) indicating that a physician should be consulted. Food allergies causing chronic diarrhea can also cause “wear and tear” making it difficult to have bowel movements.

A diet change may be recommended, but it should be done in conjunction with medical advice. But first just try eliminating apple juice–and other sweet juices — especially if your child drinks a lot, to see if that helps firm them up.

For some children, they can naturally have problems letting go of their feces. They can often feel like it is something they have made and they don’t want to see it go down the drain – so to speak. Take heart and listen to what your child is telling you and how they are telling you what they need to express.
Often, your child can benefit from a routine when it comes to potty training.