When my daughters graduated to ‘big-girl’ underpants, I dreaded the idea of stumbling into their room in the middle of the night to strip off soggy sheets and tinky-soaked jammies. It’s a pain to change the sheets on a toddler bed in broad daylight when you are well rested. Add darkness, sleep deprivation, and an upset toddler to the mix and you have a recipe for stubbed toes and banged-up shins.

I did a little research and came up with a better plan…

Since a few night time potty accidents are bound to happen, I looked for the fastest and easiest solution I could find for changing a bed sheet. My first ah-ha moment came when I realized that I really didn’t need to protect the whole mattress, just the middle area. The head and foot of the mattress were well out of harm’s way. Instead of changing the whole bed every time, I decided to add a second set of quick-change waterproof bed sheets to the middle of the mattress.

You can purchase waterproof bed sheets and there are people on the web who sell patterns for quilting your own potty training sheets with a waterproof backing. But if you use a 3 day potty training approach (like we did), you really only need the sheets for a few days. It’s not enough to justify spending a lot of time or money on the sheets. You just need something absorbent for the top and waterproof for the bottom…

…my solution, thick bath towels and a cut up vinyl table cloth with a felt backing.

We laid out a table cloth cutout and covered it with one of the bath towels. The whole thing was folded with the table cloth part on the outside so that we could set it in the center of the bed and the whole package would unfold in place and only need to be tucked in on the sides.

Each night we kept a small stack of these sheets packs in the bedroom and placed a fresh one across the middle of the bed – prime tinkle territory.

When an accident happened, I snatched up my girl, stripped off her wet clothes, and set her on the potty. Then I quickly stripped the potty sheet of the bed, grabbed a fresh set, popped it on the middle of the mattress, flipped it open, and tucked in the sides.

It’s a simple solution that handled the situation with minimal trauma and let everyone get back to sleep quickly.

You are bound to come up against many roadblocks. On the upside, you will have the advantage of peer pressure. Siblings can have a huge influence on each other – especially when it comes to toilet habits, so you’re already one step ahead!

However, it won’t be all sunshine and roses. You still will have some significant hurdles when potty training. Much advice is the same as with the individual child, but some applies specifically to multiples. Here are a few tips.

One potty chair won’t be enough. Training is stressful enough as it is without asking your multiples to share the potty. When a child has to go, it’s nearly impossible in the early stages to ask them to wait their turn. You could be taking steps back instead of forward.

Let each child have his or her own potty chair. Potty training is about the individual child, so have the chair represent them and give them a sense of ownership when they have their own piece of furniture that no one else can use.

Because establishing a routine is the best way to potty train your child, you may want to make it a fun game for your multiples. This will make it easier on you and make it a pleasant experience for them.

When you are trying to train multiples, don’t let them go diaper-less unless you have someone else there to watch them. You will likely find yourself doing little more than cleaning up accidents if you go it alone.

There is bound to be a bit of chaos in your house with toddler multiples, so it’s probably going to be a bit difficult for you to get them to notice their body’s signals that it’s time to use the potty. Let them bring toys or books into the bathroom with them when they need to sit on the potty and focus.

What if you have one child who is interested in potty training and another one who isn’t? This is where you need to be a little less enthusiastic about the process. When one child goes on the potty, DO give him or her praise, but dole it out and then move on.

Absolutely DO NOT make the other child feel inferior because his or her sibling is successfully using the potty. There is a certain amount of competition that naturally exists with multiples anyway. Don’t intensify that competitive spirit. They’ll go eventually, just be patient.

You may also want to stay away from treats for using the potty in this situation. Toddlers have a difficult time understanding the sharing process, so when one child gets something that the other one doesn’t, you may be faced with some pretty big temper tantrums and resistance.

You may also be faced with some regression issues with one of your children. Don’t push in this situation. Your child may be having some real emotional issues with the idea of separation from their diapers and each other. Until both are ready, step back and let your children lead the way.

Structure is very important – especially with multiples. We’re not just talking about potty time but all the time. Make potty time a daily ritual that is fun!

You may want to separate the kids as much as you can during training. Lessening the intensity that exists naturally between them will help all of you. Give them some one-on-one time and let them listen and focus better with your undivided attention.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you get too involved in the process, you may find your children resisting. When someone else is around to buffer the situation, you’re much more likely to have a slightly easier time.

Try not to get frustrated and angry at resistant kids. All you can do when one or the other resists is to back off. If you push them too much, their natural urge will be to resist and you will have more problems than if you just let it go for awhile. They’ll get it eventually.

Ultimately, to achieve peace, yours and your children’s, let them take the lead. If they want to go on the potty, fine. If they want to wear diapers, that is okay too. They have to work out their ambivalence and all a mom can do (and this is the hard part) is wait patiently until they do.

Girls are generally a bit easier to train than boys, but the funny part is that when you are training boys, there are many more tricks to getting them to successfully use the potty.

Some of these events may include:

• Starting school or day care
• Moving to a new home
• Divorce or separation
• Birth of a new sibling
• A parent going to work outside the home

Please realize that this is not unusual and many children experience this type of setback. However, the setback is usually temporary and can be rectified within a reasonable time frame and actually quite easily.

At this point, if there are no other problems, you may just need to offer reminders to use the potty so that the bowel movement is done there instead of going on the floor. This is easy if he or she has BMs at about the same time each day, but even if he or she doesn’t, you might have him or her sit on the potty for 4-5 minutes right after waking up and after meals. Those are times when most children are likely to have a bowel movement. Even if he or she doesn’t go, you can offer praise and extra attention simply for the fact that they tried.

Treat accidents lightly and avoid negative reactions. That means cleaning them up matter-of-factly and reminding your child that they are supposed to go in the potty. This is not a situation that generally requires any kind of punishment.

Be sure that you “don’t overreact.” You want to be careful that you don’t reinforce the behavior, since any negative attention your child gets for doing this can reinforce it. And you don’t want to make it a power struggle. With strong-willed children, reinforcing unwanted behavior will make them want to continue doing it. Yelling or punishment is reinforcing. Even though it’s negative, it’s still attention, and that’s what they want.

Figure out why they are regressing. Talk to your child in a matter-of-fact way and ask them why they don’t want to use the potty anymore. Children are very honest, and they will probably be “itching” to tell you!

If you feel you need to discipline, learn more about using effective discipline. Discipline isn’t to be confused with spanking or time outs. Discipline is when the parent does what they plan and have said they would do. They follow through and remain consistent in encouraging desired behaviors. Routines will help during regression as well. Go back to where you were when you first established your potty routine and put it into play again. Stay positive and re-introduce the motivations you did before they were fully potty trained.

Talk to your child and listen to them even when you are not addressing them directly. Discuss their responsibilities for their waste and the consequences for not following through on those responsibilities. Be clear and matter-of-fact. Minimize your words during clean-up and stay calm. If you let this process become emotionally charged, that’s where the focus will be and that is ineffective and negative. Make it clear that this is their responsibility and simply instruct them about what needs to be done during clean-up and then when they have to go potty again.

Often, distractions are a big part of regression. Some children get so involved in projects, books, TV shows, etc. that they “forget” to go and it just doesn’t make much difference to them if they are involved in these activities. For example, if they are watching “The Wiggles” and getting completely involved in dancing to “Do The Monkey” that they don’t go to the bathroom, make them go before the show is on and tell them that way they won’t have to worry about making an accident. If they have an accident after that, turn off the program until they can control their behavior.

Taking away something from a child when they have done something that is not a desired behavior can be a powerful motivator. Some parents think it’s mean and unfair, but we’re talking about a child here. They have to learn somehow, and this method works – mean or not.

Always follow up any discipline conversation with hugs and at least one “I love you”. Remember that your child wants to please you. If they think that you might withhold love, you could have the opposite effect of what you want. Your child needs to know that you love them but are not happy with their behavior. This happens throughout raising a child, so practice it often.
As we’ve said before, learn why your child has stopped using the potty. It is easier for a child to learn the mechanics of going to the bathroom, but not so easy for him to accept some of the emotional issues that may come along later. And not all children are capable or willing to discuss it.

If your child wants to talk, be there for him or her. It may help you decide how to proceed if the accidents continue. If he adamantly does not want to talk, respect his feelings.

Maybe he or she is afraid. It was fun during the early stages, but now that they are trained, their little brains could start to introduce unfounded fears in their psyche.

Common toilet fears include fear of seeing his poop go down the toilet and losing that part of him, fear of getting hands dirty when wiping, fear of seeing or hearing a toilet flush, fear of painful bowel movement. Other reasons may include lack of desire to stop playing to go, loss of the excitement of this new ‘game’, associating toileting with ‘growing up’ and deciding it is more comfortable to just stay little.

There are some cases where children use toilet issues to express anger and aggression. For this, seek professional help.

A reward chart or chart where you place stickers for the days when he doesn’t have an accident can also be helpful. As can reading some of the potty training books for children. Since he has been potty trained for so long, this is likely not a time to go back to diapers or pull-ups. You should also avoid anything else that makes him feel ashamed for having accidents. Remember that it is normal and common for children to have set backs with potty training.

If you have come to the realization that the accidents are not stopping and you have given your child the chance to work through it by themselves, you need to take a step back and look at all the information you have compiled throughout this process. Return to the days when you were just beginning potty training and start from square one.

You have choices. You need to decide how much you are willing to do in order to work this problem out. Do you want to obsess about it for weeks on end or just downplay it and let your child work his or her own way through the problem and get back to no-diapers or pull-ups?

Each child is different. What works for one may not be successful for another. That is why you need an arsenal of tools and tricks to get your youngster interested and keep him or her with the program until you have achieved that goal of independence.

Some children really want to continue toileting. Sometimes the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the child with his toileting routine. If you decide it is best to try to keep your child on track, then gear up for retraining in a positive, loving and supportive way.

Prepare yourself for what can become a long, frustrating time. Your attitude is important – keep it fun and upbeat if you can. Never blame the child. Even the most even- tempered, devoted and selfless of parents have found their limits tested.

Frustrations can be minimized by planning to spend extra time with your child (preferably at home) observing when and why the accidents occur. Expect to deal with accidents and try to find a way to avert them. Could your child simply miss all that attention he used to get for toileting successes? If you find yourself becoming too frustrated with the situation to cope in a positive, loving and supportive way, consult your pediatrician, read and take parenting classes.

Do not allow a significant other, mother-in-law or neighbor (however well-intentioned) to interfere with your parenting choices. Pick your battles, and realize this one in particular can be a tough one.

If you decide to go for retraining you need to be prepared to follow through in a positive way. Read up, get support. If you decide this is not the best time to try to work through it that is OK. You and your child should decide together how to handle accidents. Whatever you decide, this is just one of many parenting decisions we must make with no clear-cut answer. It will work out no matter how you proceed, as long as you have the child’s best interests in mind.

Above all, just have fun with this process – both during potty training and during regression. As you know, your child is growing rapidly before your very eyes. Focus on enjoying this age and stage with your child.

If you can keep a good attitude through all the trials, you will have given your child much more than basic toilet skills. Your child will learn he or she can trust you. They will know that they are important. They will learn how to communicate better. He will understand how you can help him when he is troubled. He will learn you will always love him, even when he messes up. That is what is really important.

If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem or problems are minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician’s help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious.

This was something that my own mother struggled with during my own toilet training phase so many years ago. I was a chronic bed wetter, but my problem was medical. Some children will have physical problems, so if bed wetting becomes a real struggle after a certain period of time, you may want to consult with your doctor.

Start by limiting fluid intake right before bed. While some people don’t feel like this should be done, the reality is that if there’s nothing in their little body to expel, they won’t go. If you haven’t ended night bottles, now is probably the time to do so.

Don’t deny a thirsty child a drink of water. Some say that going to bed thirsty just fixes a child’s mind on water and increases the chances of nighttime wetting.

Keep bedtime calm. The risk of bedwetting can be increased if your child engages in lots of rough housing or even an exciting television program close to bedtime. When kids are excited, they tend to produce more urine. Keep her/him calm by having a quiet conversation or reading a story to her/him.
Before your child goes to bed, have her try to go to the bathroom one more time. Even if she says she doesn’t, try anyway. Your child might SAY one thing but when they sit on the potty they GO!

Consider not using training pants at night. Although you did not intend it, continuing to put your child in training pants for bedtime and expecting her not to have “accidents” may be sending her a mixed message. Initially, you should probably start with a diaper at night with praise in morning for a dry diaper, but soon after that, put them in regular underwear at bedtime.
Be alert for unexpected nightly visits. While your child gets used to underwear at night, s/he may have an accident and then wake up before you do. S/He will be uncomfortable and will either call out to you or get out of bed and pay you a visit.

Make sure the way to the bathroom is lit, even if only with night-lights. Draw a map with your child showing the way from the bed to the bathroom to help form a visual image. You may want to invest in an automatic sensor light in the bathroom that comes on automatically when someone enters the room.

Keep the house warm enough so the child won’t avoid getting up because it’s too cold. You can return to energy savings later.

Consider keeping a potty chair near your child’s bed if that will make things easier.

Practice “positive imagining” as you put your child to sleep. Help a child imagine staying dry all night and waking up dry in the morning. Talk about the pleasure of feeling dry, in control and grown-up.

Try whispering “dry” ideas into the ear of a sleeping child. This is something psychologists say children are often receptive to such “idea planting” during certain periods of sleep.

Let your child know that you know that he or she will stay dry at night II soon,” like other big kids. It is important to set up the expectation, but don’t subject your child to heavy pressure.

Remove diapers and replace them with training pants, cloth soakers, or disposable Pull-Ups only after a week or so of dry nights.

If your child does have an accident, try not to make a big deal about it. Reassure them that accidents do happen. Some psychologists recommend having the child clean up their own mess. This includes stripping the bed and placing the soiled sheets in the laundry bin as well as putting new sheets on the bed.

During this whole process, don’t focus on the accident and don’t make your child feel guilty for having an accident.

A plastic sheet under the regular sheets also will help you save the mattress.
Night time dryness does not always immediately follow day time dryness and could often take up to a few months or even years. It’s not uncommon for pre-schoolers and even some elementary schoolers to wet the bed at night. Just practice patience and be sure that there isn’t a medical reason for this problem.

Another issue during toilet training is how to maintain progress while traveling.

Dole out the praise as often as you can – not just during potty training. But this book IS about potty training, so here are a few things to remember when giving positive reinforcement with your words.

Some people feel you shouldn’t make a HUGE deal out of using the potty, but when you’re trying to reinforce a positive behavior, it has to be up to you. We made a REALLY big deal every time Conner went on the potty. It worked for him.

Give physical reinforcement in the form of hugs while you’re giving out that praise. Clap and say words like “Good for you”, “What a big boy/girl”, “You went on the potty – YAY!” and such.

Don’t just congratulate your child for going on the potty; praise them when they stay dry too. Check his/her pants every hour or so and let him/her know how great it is that s/he’s stayed dry.

Some parents have created elaborate song and dance routines to let their child know how pleased they are. Kids love to be silly, and many adults like to be silly too. Use this time to explore your own inner child when potty training is occurring.

Praise for jobs well done should be second nature. It’s just too easy to see the “bad stuff” children do when in reality they’re doing a lot more “good stuff” then we give credit for. When it’s time to introduce the potty to your toddler, give it a sunny spin. Make it sound wonderful to be old enough to sit on the potty chair.

Accidents are going to happen. If your child has an accident, don’t make a big deal about it and don’t get angry. If you do this, it will chip away at their morale and could start making them feel like they really can’t do the job they’re expected to do.

If your child has an accident, just help them get cleaned up and forget about it. You may want to say something encouraging like, “It’s alright, and you’ll make it to the potty next time.”

Praise your child even if he or she just goes and sits on the potty but doesn’t go. This will likely occur early in the process, and is a positive behavior that should be acknowledged.

Another important part of potty training is teaching your child about good hygiene.

Some parents prefer to begin toilet training in the winter or rainy months when it’s hard to get out of the house, but it might be easiest to begin toilet training in the summer, if this fits your schedule. Summer clothes are light and can be removed quickly. And when accidents do occur, you’ll have fewer layers of clothes to launder.

If possible, plan to devote at least three days in a row to begin bladder training and give your child your complete concentration. During those days you must be able to drop everything when a child has to go.

Tell your child that you expect to be told if there is a need to go.
The idea behind this is to let your child be in charge of as much of the toilet training process as possible.

Put your child on the toilet first thing in the morning, before naps, after naps, after meals, after being dry for two hours, and before bedtime. Initially a regular schedule can help with this process.

Keep them company while they’re trying to do their business. You can use this time for reading or just talking. Books about potties are appropriate selections to keep in the bathroom! But we’ve already said that, right?

Praise all progress. For some, sitting more than 10 seconds may be progress. Try turning the water on and letting it run for inspiration. Have you ever really had to go to the bathroom and heard running water making it difficult to hold your urine in? The same concept can apply when it comes to your child.

Running water can be a great way to inspire your child’s bowels to let go. Just don’t let it run forever. If they’re gonna go, they’re gonna go. If they’re not, they’re not. Know when to stop; otherwise, it becomes a game!

Offer more fluids when you are actively involved in training. The more a child drinks, the more a child will need to urinate and respond to body signals. Occasionally say to your child, “It’s time to try now.”

Set a timer to remind your child when it’s time to go potty rather than doing all the reminding yourself. Use the reminder as a “before” condition: “After you use the potty, we will …”

Consolidate success by maintaining the same routine for several weeks. Keep in mind that even children who have mastered the bathroom procedure may wet their pants during the day for several weeks or months.

If you have followed all reasonable steps for some time without success, stop! Try again in a few weeks or months.