If advised by consulting physicians and specialists to toilet train the child, a great deal of patience and a longer time frame may be necessary. Many other skills accompany even simple routines for children with physical or mental impairments.

As a parent, you are the only one who knows your child’s abilities. You can gauge whether or not they are even near being able to grasp the thought or tasks involved in potty training.

Just like with all other children, you need to be sure that your child is fully able to understand his or her’s bodily functions and what to do with those feelings when they arise. You have to let your child dictate to you when the time is right.

Once you reach that point, use the same techniques we’ve outlined throughout this whole book. Just because your child has special needs doesn’t make them all that different from every other child. As you are well aware, potty training special needs children just requires a little adaptation.

You need to do a clear task analysis of each process that trainers and parents often take for granted. This may involve actually writing down every step taken in order to go to the toilet. The tasks might include some of the following:

• Recognizing when she/he has to go to the bathroom
• Waiting to eliminate
• Entering the bathroom
• Manipulating clothing closures
• Pulling pants down
• Sitting on the toilet
• Eliminating in the toilet
• Using paper correctly
• Pulling pants up
• Flushing toilet
• Washing hands
• Drying hands

You may notice that many of the signs outlined above are the same as any other child who is ready to begin potty training. Your special needs child is no different. You need to be aware of what to look for before taking on this difficult task and then start with the right attitude for both you and your child.

To see if your child is ready to learn toilet training, answer the following additional questions.

• Can the child follow simple directions? (“Come here.”)
• Can the child sit in a chair for five minutes?
• Can the child wait at least 1-1/2 hours between elimination times?

Recognizing the signs that your child is ready for the potty is the best way to know when it’s time to begin. You are no different than any other parent at this point in your child’s development. Sure they might a little older, but you still have to help your child travel this road with as little disruption and distraction as possible.

When you are focused on the job, they’ll be focused on the job too. That will make the job easier on both of you!

What about multiples? When you have twins or even (gasp!) triplets, the issue of potty training becomes even stickier. But in actuality, you are going to have an easier time than you might think.

At some point your child will no longer have bowel movements during the night. They become a daytime process for most children. The more regular your child is, the easier it will be to start bowel-control training. Children often stop playing when they are having a BM. Some even hide in a favorite spot. Others just grunt or get red in the face. Saying, “I see you’re having a BM” helps a child identify what is occurring and associate those sensations with the process.

Constipation, if part of your child’s history, may actually delay toilet training for your child. This is not anything to be worried about, but just one more variable you can be sensitive to.

Explain to your child that you will be taking him or her to the toilet or the potty chair and that you expect the bowel movement to go there rather than in diapers. “This is what Mommy and Daddy do, what grown-ups do and now what you should do because you’re getting so big and grown up” is the kind of language to use.

Give advance notice as to when this procedure will start. Children need to hear what you expect in pleasant tones and words. They can’t read your mind. Your attitude, your anticipation, your relaxed tones will also convey much of the message.

If your child has a regular time for a bowel movement, choose that time to go to the bathroom. If they have no regular time, try within 30 minutes after a meal. When the stomach is full, the colon is often stimulated to empty.

As we’ve said before, be prepared to sit with your child to keep him or her company. Don’t insist your child sit for more than a few minutes but only as long as he or she is comfortable.

At the same time, know that some children need to be alone to have a bowel movement. Bright bathroom lights and too much conversation may inhibit them from relaxing their sphincter muscles.

Praise your child for every bowel movement made in the potty or toilet. Also praise a child for even sitting and trying to go.

If your child will still be wearing disposable diapers at this point, you will be involved in getting them on and off. Keep masking tape on hand to refasten clean ones. In general, we don’t advocate keeping diapers on children who are learning to use the toilet. This just sends a mixed message, but in the event that is the route you chose, there you go!

It is not uncommon for boys to achieve bladder control before — sometimes long before — bowel control. Parents sometimes feel that a child with belated bowel control is unwilling, uncooperative, or just plain stubborn but that’s rarely the case. Again, patience is called for.

A reluctant-relaxer may require different approaches until you find one that works. Consider breaking the task into small, slow steps. Encourage a child to sit on and use the potty (or toilet) with clothes and a disposable diaper on to begin with. After a child is comfortable with this procedure, progress to going with only a disposable diaper sides ripped open.

Then you can move from sitting with a disposable diaper across the seat to just using toilet paper across it. Other children may be able to relax and void (just remove feces quickly with little fuss) while in a warm bath before making the transition to the potty chair or toilet. Or insist, that even using a diaper, a child stay in the bathroom when having a BM and then empty diaper into the toilet and flush.