Some of these events may include:

• Starting school or day care
• Moving to a new home
• Divorce or separation
• Birth of a new sibling
• A parent going to work outside the home

Please realize that this is not unusual and many children experience this type of setback. However, the setback is usually temporary and can be rectified within a reasonable time frame and actually quite easily.

At this point, if there are no other problems, you may just need to offer reminders to use the potty so that the bowel movement is done there instead of going on the floor. This is easy if he or she has BMs at about the same time each day, but even if he or she doesn’t, you might have him or her sit on the potty for 4-5 minutes right after waking up and after meals. Those are times when most children are likely to have a bowel movement. Even if he or she doesn’t go, you can offer praise and extra attention simply for the fact that they tried.

Treat accidents lightly and avoid negative reactions. That means cleaning them up matter-of-factly and reminding your child that they are supposed to go in the potty. This is not a situation that generally requires any kind of punishment.

Be sure that you “don’t overreact.” You want to be careful that you don’t reinforce the behavior, since any negative attention your child gets for doing this can reinforce it. And you don’t want to make it a power struggle. With strong-willed children, reinforcing unwanted behavior will make them want to continue doing it. Yelling or punishment is reinforcing. Even though it’s negative, it’s still attention, and that’s what they want.

Figure out why they are regressing. Talk to your child in a matter-of-fact way and ask them why they don’t want to use the potty anymore. Children are very honest, and they will probably be “itching” to tell you!

If you feel you need to discipline, learn more about using effective discipline. Discipline isn’t to be confused with spanking or time outs. Discipline is when the parent does what they plan and have said they would do. They follow through and remain consistent in encouraging desired behaviors. Routines will help during regression as well. Go back to where you were when you first established your potty routine and put it into play again. Stay positive and re-introduce the motivations you did before they were fully potty trained.

Talk to your child and listen to them even when you are not addressing them directly. Discuss their responsibilities for their waste and the consequences for not following through on those responsibilities. Be clear and matter-of-fact. Minimize your words during clean-up and stay calm. If you let this process become emotionally charged, that’s where the focus will be and that is ineffective and negative. Make it clear that this is their responsibility and simply instruct them about what needs to be done during clean-up and then when they have to go potty again.

Often, distractions are a big part of regression. Some children get so involved in projects, books, TV shows, etc. that they “forget” to go and it just doesn’t make much difference to them if they are involved in these activities. For example, if they are watching “The Wiggles” and getting completely involved in dancing to “Do The Monkey” that they don’t go to the bathroom, make them go before the show is on and tell them that way they won’t have to worry about making an accident. If they have an accident after that, turn off the program until they can control their behavior.

Taking away something from a child when they have done something that is not a desired behavior can be a powerful motivator. Some parents think it’s mean and unfair, but we’re talking about a child here. They have to learn somehow, and this method works – mean or not.

Always follow up any discipline conversation with hugs and at least one “I love you”. Remember that your child wants to please you. If they think that you might withhold love, you could have the opposite effect of what you want. Your child needs to know that you love them but are not happy with their behavior. This happens throughout raising a child, so practice it often.
As we’ve said before, learn why your child has stopped using the potty. It is easier for a child to learn the mechanics of going to the bathroom, but not so easy for him to accept some of the emotional issues that may come along later. And not all children are capable or willing to discuss it.

If your child wants to talk, be there for him or her. It may help you decide how to proceed if the accidents continue. If he adamantly does not want to talk, respect his feelings.

Maybe he or she is afraid. It was fun during the early stages, but now that they are trained, their little brains could start to introduce unfounded fears in their psyche.

Common toilet fears include fear of seeing his poop go down the toilet and losing that part of him, fear of getting hands dirty when wiping, fear of seeing or hearing a toilet flush, fear of painful bowel movement. Other reasons may include lack of desire to stop playing to go, loss of the excitement of this new ‘game’, associating toileting with ‘growing up’ and deciding it is more comfortable to just stay little.

There are some cases where children use toilet issues to express anger and aggression. For this, seek professional help.

A reward chart or chart where you place stickers for the days when he doesn’t have an accident can also be helpful. As can reading some of the potty training books for children. Since he has been potty trained for so long, this is likely not a time to go back to diapers or pull-ups. You should also avoid anything else that makes him feel ashamed for having accidents. Remember that it is normal and common for children to have set backs with potty training.

If you have come to the realization that the accidents are not stopping and you have given your child the chance to work through it by themselves, you need to take a step back and look at all the information you have compiled throughout this process. Return to the days when you were just beginning potty training and start from square one.

You have choices. You need to decide how much you are willing to do in order to work this problem out. Do you want to obsess about it for weeks on end or just downplay it and let your child work his or her own way through the problem and get back to no-diapers or pull-ups?

Each child is different. What works for one may not be successful for another. That is why you need an arsenal of tools and tricks to get your youngster interested and keep him or her with the program until you have achieved that goal of independence.

Some children really want to continue toileting. Sometimes the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the child with his toileting routine. If you decide it is best to try to keep your child on track, then gear up for retraining in a positive, loving and supportive way.

Prepare yourself for what can become a long, frustrating time. Your attitude is important – keep it fun and upbeat if you can. Never blame the child. Even the most even- tempered, devoted and selfless of parents have found their limits tested.

Frustrations can be minimized by planning to spend extra time with your child (preferably at home) observing when and why the accidents occur. Expect to deal with accidents and try to find a way to avert them. Could your child simply miss all that attention he used to get for toileting successes? If you find yourself becoming too frustrated with the situation to cope in a positive, loving and supportive way, consult your pediatrician, read and take parenting classes.

Do not allow a significant other, mother-in-law or neighbor (however well-intentioned) to interfere with your parenting choices. Pick your battles, and realize this one in particular can be a tough one.

If you decide to go for retraining you need to be prepared to follow through in a positive way. Read up, get support. If you decide this is not the best time to try to work through it that is OK. You and your child should decide together how to handle accidents. Whatever you decide, this is just one of many parenting decisions we must make with no clear-cut answer. It will work out no matter how you proceed, as long as you have the child’s best interests in mind.

Above all, just have fun with this process – both during potty training and during regression. As you know, your child is growing rapidly before your very eyes. Focus on enjoying this age and stage with your child.

If you can keep a good attitude through all the trials, you will have given your child much more than basic toilet skills. Your child will learn he or she can trust you. They will know that they are important. They will learn how to communicate better. He will understand how you can help him when he is troubled. He will learn you will always love him, even when he messes up. That is what is really important.

If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem or problems are minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician’s help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious.

A child who has become familiar with bathroom procedures and equipment is more likely to become trained quickly and easily than one who has not. How can you best do this?

First, take your child into the bathroom with you. It’s especially helpful if fathers and brothers set the example for boys, and mothers and sisters set the example for girls. Brothers or sisters are often pleased to act as role models.

Some adults have a real problem with people being in the bathroom with them – even if it is your own child or grandchild. In one family the husband was like this. When his daughter began to potty train her grandson, it was very important to him that he see Grandpa going potty. The bottom line is that he basically “got over it” and let little Conner come into the bathroom with him.

Of course, there are always other children who would like to show off their potty skills to your child. If your child is in day care, they can watch how their peers use the potty and will most likely imitate them. In fact, this can actually speed up the process significantly.

Try to help your child recognize the sensations of “being wet,” “wetting now,” and “about to be wet.” Encourage your child to talk about these sensations — especially “about to be…” sensations — without pressing your child to be toilet trained.

Comment on signs you notice, such as the child’s pausing in play or walking as if he or she is uncomfortable after elimination. Use statements such as, “You are going poop,” rather than asking the general question, “What are you doing?” Asking your child to let you know when the diaper is wet or messy is another way of increasing awareness.

Let your child go nude in appropriate settings to help the child “see” what he or she is doing, and to help make the mental connection between the words and what they refer to.

This was especially helpful with little Conner. Potty training started in the summer when he was outside a lot. He took great joy in “peeing on a tree” and off the back deck. They lived in the country, so they didn’t have to worry about inappropriateness.

The family let him run nude in the house as well which was alright because it was hot outside and being naked gave him the freedom to use the potty without worrying about soiling his pants. Of course, there were accidents, and they invested in a cheap carpet cleaner to take care of that!

Changing a diaper in the bathroom will also associate the process with the place. Children over age 2 should be off the changing table for exactly this reason.

Although much ado has been made about using the proper terminology for body parts and functions, you should use the words that come most easily to you and your child. “Peeing,” for example, may be more effective than the term “urinating” if the latter is a forced term.

However, you SHOULD use specific terms. “Going to the bathroom” is too vague. “Go pee on the potty” is not.

Try not to use words that will make your child think of his or her bodily functions as being dirty or disgusting. Avoid saying things like “dirty,” “stinky,” “yucky,” etc.

Help your child learn the meaning of the terms “before” and ” after” by using them yourself in other contexts such as, “After I eat dinner, I’ve got to clean up the dishes.”

Talk about the advantages of being potty trained: no more diaper rash, no more interruptions for diaper changing, and the pleasure of being clean and dry. Discuss training as an important stage of growing up. If your child is truly ready to use the potty, he or she will be able to understand you.

Let your child practice lowering and raising training pants sometimes, or putting them on and taking them off. Pull-ups are great for teaching them this concept.

You will want to consider buying “big boy britches” for boys or “pretty panties” for girls before starting the process. By this, we mean actual underwear with a favorite character on them or frilly, lacy panties that can make your girl or boy feel special. Using this tactic also helps them embrace the desire not to soil their special pants.

Have a potty chair handy on which the child may sit even with clothes on perhaps while you are in the bathroom yourself, but only if he or she wants to. The intent is not to get results, but to provide familiarity with the equipment.

Some children won’t use a potty chair at all, but having one available is a good idea anyway. There are all sorts of fun potty chairs on the market today, so find one that your child can be proud of and identify with.

The idea is to have your child sit on the potty chair and become comfortable with being on their own little throne. If they want to haul it into the living room and sit there while watching TV, let them. Don’t get all caught up in appropriateness when potty training. You have to relax just a little bit and let your child lead the way – at least for a little bit!

Let your child flush the toilet for you to help him or her get used to the noise it makes and avoid possible fear later on. We found it helpful to “wave bye bye” to the pee or poop as it drained out. This made it fun for him!

Explain the way things should be to your child. At the start, explain to your child that it’s time to put her “pee-pee” and “poo” in the potty. Tell your child that when s/he feels the need to go she should hold it in just long enough to walk to the potty, sit down, and let it go.

Talk to your child about the advantages of being trained: no more diaper rash, no more interruptions for diaper changing, and the pleasure of being clean and dry. Discuss training as an important stage of growing up.

Sit your child’s favorite doll or action figure on a pretend toilet, explaining “the baby is going pee-pee in the potty.” Put diapers on his favorite stuffed bear. Then graduate the bear to underwear.

Make a big deal about throwing away your child’s diapers. Tell your child that they won’t need the diapers anymore because they will be big kids now. You can even have your child throw their own diapers in the trash can and commemorate the event with a special crown or treat!

You can start reading ‘potty books‘ to your child or watching ‘potty videos‘. In fact, books and videos can really make the whole potty process a lot easier!