If advised by consulting physicians and specialists to toilet train the child, a great deal of patience and a longer time frame may be necessary. Many other skills accompany even simple routines for children with physical or mental impairments.

As a parent, you are the only one who knows your child’s abilities. You can gauge whether or not they are even near being able to grasp the thought or tasks involved in potty training.

Just like with all other children, you need to be sure that your child is fully able to understand his or her’s bodily functions and what to do with those feelings when they arise. You have to let your child dictate to you when the time is right.

Once you reach that point, use the same techniques we’ve outlined throughout this whole book. Just because your child has special needs doesn’t make them all that different from every other child. As you are well aware, potty training special needs children just requires a little adaptation.

You need to do a clear task analysis of each process that trainers and parents often take for granted. This may involve actually writing down every step taken in order to go to the toilet. The tasks might include some of the following:

• Recognizing when she/he has to go to the bathroom
• Waiting to eliminate
• Entering the bathroom
• Manipulating clothing closures
• Pulling pants down
• Sitting on the toilet
• Eliminating in the toilet
• Using paper correctly
• Pulling pants up
• Flushing toilet
• Washing hands
• Drying hands

You may notice that many of the signs outlined above are the same as any other child who is ready to begin potty training. Your special needs child is no different. You need to be aware of what to look for before taking on this difficult task and then start with the right attitude for both you and your child.

To see if your child is ready to learn toilet training, answer the following additional questions.

• Can the child follow simple directions? (“Come here.”)
• Can the child sit in a chair for five minutes?
• Can the child wait at least 1-1/2 hours between elimination times?

Recognizing the signs that your child is ready for the potty is the best way to know when it’s time to begin. You are no different than any other parent at this point in your child’s development. Sure they might a little older, but you still have to help your child travel this road with as little disruption and distraction as possible.

When you are focused on the job, they’ll be focused on the job too. That will make the job easier on both of you!

What about multiples? When you have twins or even (gasp!) triplets, the issue of potty training becomes even stickier. But in actuality, you are going to have an easier time than you might think.

In general, you should undertake this huge task during a time when there is little conflict and not much activity. Potty training around Christmas or Thanksgiving can be distracting. You need to devote a lot of attention to your toddler, and with so much going on during the holidays; you probably won’t be able to do that.

However, if you have a long holiday weekend without having to worry about work, working on potty training during this time could be a great time to start.

Make potty training a top priority on a consistent basis when you have the emotional and physical energy to do it. Even if your child shows signs of potty training readiness, you may not be ready for it as a parent.

Clear your schedule and be ready for anything! Select a time to begin the potty training when your family’s routine is least likely to be disturbed with house guests, vacations away from home, a move, and so on. Make sure you’re not pre-occupied with other major commitments such as work, either.
You may want to get out a calendar and talk with your child about a good time to start intensive potty training. ask your child when s/he wants to begin to learn how to use the potty. Circle the date in a bright color and keep reminding her/him that “potty day” is almost here.

Other less-than-ideal times to begin potty training are during stressful situations such as when traveling, around the time of a birth of a sibling, or when making another huge life adjustment for your child such as taking away the bottle or changing from a crib to a bed.

Take these factors into consideration when you plan to introduce toilet teaching. It may be better to postpone it until your child’s environment is stable and secure.

Also, though some experts may recommend starting the process during summer because children wear less clothing, it is not a good idea to wait to start if your child is ready.

Of course, teaching your toddler to use the potty isn’t an overnight experience. The process typically takes between 3 and 6 months, although it may take more or less time for some children.

And although some little ones can learn to both make it through the night without wetting or soiling themselves (or the bed) and use the potty around the same time, it may take an additional 6 months to 1 year to master staying dry at night.

There are some people out there who will offer “systems” that can help you teach your child to use the potty within three days – or even less. They may help, but potty training is a long, learning process that takes complete dedication.

Children can experience stress too. Trying to potty train while your child is under a certain amount of stress for whatever reason can be frustrating for both of you. Avoid this huge step during times like this.

Toilet training is a learning process, not a disciplinary process, and a complicated one at that! Your child has to understand what you want, and then has to learn how to do it. In addition to understanding the bodily sensations, getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off, a child must first constrict sphincter muscles to achieve control, and then relax them to eliminate. Obviously there is a lot to learn. Gaining bowel and bladder control is a skill and fortunately children usually like to learn new skills.

The mastery of skills usually follows a pattern. First is bowel regularity often followed by bowel control. Daytime bladder control often comes next but for many children this can happen simultaneously, and finally later (often much later), comes nighttime bladder control.

And, of course, there are children who achieve daytime and nighttime control simultaneously. With the swing toward a more relaxed approach to toilet training from the previous generation, children tend to be trained later and more frequently their bowel and bladder functions come under their control at the same time.

Some parents elect to take a more laid-back approach towards toilet training. They let the child go when they want to and if they have an accident, they just gloss over it with little reference. For some people, this can work, but it’s bound to take a lot longer than traditional toilet training.

If you do choose a passive, more laissez-faire attitude about toilet training, keep in mind that children still need to know what it is that is expected of them. You are not necessarily “pushing” your child by providing direction and expectations. Some children really are ready to be trained early, so you are not “pushing” if you are meeting no resistance. Let their resistance be your guide. Children really do love learning grown-up behavior, so don’t deny them their opportunity, if it fits their readiness.

So, are there ways you can help along the process? You bet!

A child who has become familiar with bathroom procedures and equipment is more likely to become trained quickly and easily than one who has not. How can you best do this?

First, take your child into the bathroom with you. It’s especially helpful if fathers and brothers set the example for boys, and mothers and sisters set the example for girls. Brothers or sisters are often pleased to act as role models.

Some adults have a real problem with people being in the bathroom with them – even if it is your own child or grandchild. In one family the husband was like this. When his daughter began to potty train her grandson, it was very important to him that he see Grandpa going potty. The bottom line is that he basically “got over it” and let little Conner come into the bathroom with him.

Of course, there are always other children who would like to show off their potty skills to your child. If your child is in day care, they can watch how their peers use the potty and will most likely imitate them. In fact, this can actually speed up the process significantly.

Try to help your child recognize the sensations of “being wet,” “wetting now,” and “about to be wet.” Encourage your child to talk about these sensations — especially “about to be…” sensations — without pressing your child to be toilet trained.

Comment on signs you notice, such as the child’s pausing in play or walking as if he or she is uncomfortable after elimination. Use statements such as, “You are going poop,” rather than asking the general question, “What are you doing?” Asking your child to let you know when the diaper is wet or messy is another way of increasing awareness.

Let your child go nude in appropriate settings to help the child “see” what he or she is doing, and to help make the mental connection between the words and what they refer to.

This was especially helpful with little Conner. Potty training started in the summer when he was outside a lot. He took great joy in “peeing on a tree” and off the back deck. They lived in the country, so they didn’t have to worry about inappropriateness.

The family let him run nude in the house as well which was alright because it was hot outside and being naked gave him the freedom to use the potty without worrying about soiling his pants. Of course, there were accidents, and they invested in a cheap carpet cleaner to take care of that!

Changing a diaper in the bathroom will also associate the process with the place. Children over age 2 should be off the changing table for exactly this reason.

Although much ado has been made about using the proper terminology for body parts and functions, you should use the words that come most easily to you and your child. “Peeing,” for example, may be more effective than the term “urinating” if the latter is a forced term.

However, you SHOULD use specific terms. “Going to the bathroom” is too vague. “Go pee on the potty” is not.

Try not to use words that will make your child think of his or her bodily functions as being dirty or disgusting. Avoid saying things like “dirty,” “stinky,” “yucky,” etc.

Help your child learn the meaning of the terms “before” and ” after” by using them yourself in other contexts such as, “After I eat dinner, I’ve got to clean up the dishes.”

Talk about the advantages of being potty trained: no more diaper rash, no more interruptions for diaper changing, and the pleasure of being clean and dry. Discuss training as an important stage of growing up. If your child is truly ready to use the potty, he or she will be able to understand you.

Let your child practice lowering and raising training pants sometimes, or putting them on and taking them off. Pull-ups are great for teaching them this concept.

You will want to consider buying “big boy britches” for boys or “pretty panties” for girls before starting the process. By this, we mean actual underwear with a favorite character on them or frilly, lacy panties that can make your girl or boy feel special. Using this tactic also helps them embrace the desire not to soil their special pants.

Have a potty chair handy on which the child may sit even with clothes on perhaps while you are in the bathroom yourself, but only if he or she wants to. The intent is not to get results, but to provide familiarity with the equipment.

Some children won’t use a potty chair at all, but having one available is a good idea anyway. There are all sorts of fun potty chairs on the market today, so find one that your child can be proud of and identify with.

The idea is to have your child sit on the potty chair and become comfortable with being on their own little throne. If they want to haul it into the living room and sit there while watching TV, let them. Don’t get all caught up in appropriateness when potty training. You have to relax just a little bit and let your child lead the way – at least for a little bit!

Let your child flush the toilet for you to help him or her get used to the noise it makes and avoid possible fear later on. We found it helpful to “wave bye bye” to the pee or poop as it drained out. This made it fun for him!

Explain the way things should be to your child. At the start, explain to your child that it’s time to put her “pee-pee” and “poo” in the potty. Tell your child that when s/he feels the need to go she should hold it in just long enough to walk to the potty, sit down, and let it go.

Talk to your child about the advantages of being trained: no more diaper rash, no more interruptions for diaper changing, and the pleasure of being clean and dry. Discuss training as an important stage of growing up.

Sit your child’s favorite doll or action figure on a pretend toilet, explaining “the baby is going pee-pee in the potty.” Put diapers on his favorite stuffed bear. Then graduate the bear to underwear.

Make a big deal about throwing away your child’s diapers. Tell your child that they won’t need the diapers anymore because they will be big kids now. You can even have your child throw their own diapers in the trash can and commemorate the event with a special crown or treat!

You can start reading ‘potty books‘ to your child or watching ‘potty videos‘. In fact, books and videos can really make the whole potty process a lot easier!

This can be highly detrimental to them, however, and you must wait until your child shows signs of readiness before you begin. If you don’t, this will be a very long process filled with frustration and headaches for both you and your child.

There is no magic age when potty training should begin. As we’ve already said, every child is different. For one family’s children, their daughter was going on the toilet consistently and staying dry at night at 18 months. Their son, however, showed absolutely no signs of wanting to use the potty until well after he had already turned three. Much later, their grandson also wasn’t interested at all until just before his third birthday.

In general, most kids are ready around the age of two or two and a half and girls tend to train before boys do. Boys are often able to gain control of urine but have problems with bowel control. Here are some common signs that your child might be ready to use the potty.

• Bowel movements occur at about the same time every day
• He or she can stay dry for a few hours at a time or wakes up from sleep dry
• Your child begins to talk about using the potty and knows when they have to go to the bathroom
• They are able to tell you when they have a soiled diape
• They can understand the association between dry pants and using the potty
• He or she understand the terminology such as “poop”, “pee”, “dry”, “wet”, “potty”, etc.

Independence is also an important aspect of being ready for the potty. If your child can understand simple commands like “Let’s go to the potty”, then readiness is also imminent. There are other things to watch for as well.

• Your child can pull his/her pants up and down
• They begin to imitate other members of the family
• He or she watches you on the toilet and asks questions
• Your child wants to do things by herself/himself
• He or she enjoys washing his/her hands
• They get upset if their belongings are not in their proper place
• Your child wants to please you.

Toddlers are classically fussy little people. At a certain point in their upbringing, they will refuse to do absolutely anything for you when asked. When they have progressed beyond this stage sufficiently enough to obey simple commands, potty training can commence.

Now, don’t think that this whole process is completely in your child’s hands. There are some steps you can take before the actual potty process begins to prepare your child for potty training.