At some point your child will no longer have bowel movements during the night. They become a daytime process for most children. The more regular your child is, the easier it will be to start bowel-control training. Children often stop playing when they are having a BM. Some even hide in a favorite spot. Others just grunt or get red in the face. Saying, “I see you’re having a BM” helps a child identify what is occurring and associate those sensations with the process.

Constipation, if part of your child’s history, may actually delay toilet training for your child. This is not anything to be worried about, but just one more variable you can be sensitive to.

Explain to your child that you will be taking him or her to the toilet or the potty chair and that you expect the bowel movement to go there rather than in diapers. “This is what Mommy and Daddy do, what grown-ups do and now what you should do because you’re getting so big and grown up” is the kind of language to use.

Give advance notice as to when this procedure will start. Children need to hear what you expect in pleasant tones and words. They can’t read your mind. Your attitude, your anticipation, your relaxed tones will also convey much of the message.

If your child has a regular time for a bowel movement, choose that time to go to the bathroom. If they have no regular time, try within 30 minutes after a meal. When the stomach is full, the colon is often stimulated to empty.

As we’ve said before, be prepared to sit with your child to keep him or her company. Don’t insist your child sit for more than a few minutes but only as long as he or she is comfortable.

At the same time, know that some children need to be alone to have a bowel movement. Bright bathroom lights and too much conversation may inhibit them from relaxing their sphincter muscles.

Praise your child for every bowel movement made in the potty or toilet. Also praise a child for even sitting and trying to go.

If your child will still be wearing disposable diapers at this point, you will be involved in getting them on and off. Keep masking tape on hand to refasten clean ones. In general, we don’t advocate keeping diapers on children who are learning to use the toilet. This just sends a mixed message, but in the event that is the route you chose, there you go!

It is not uncommon for boys to achieve bladder control before — sometimes long before — bowel control. Parents sometimes feel that a child with belated bowel control is unwilling, uncooperative, or just plain stubborn but that’s rarely the case. Again, patience is called for.

A reluctant-relaxer may require different approaches until you find one that works. Consider breaking the task into small, slow steps. Encourage a child to sit on and use the potty (or toilet) with clothes and a disposable diaper on to begin with. After a child is comfortable with this procedure, progress to going with only a disposable diaper sides ripped open.

Then you can move from sitting with a disposable diaper across the seat to just using toilet paper across it. Other children may be able to relax and void (just remove feces quickly with little fuss) while in a warm bath before making the transition to the potty chair or toilet. Or insist, that even using a diaper, a child stay in the bathroom when having a BM and then empty diaper into the toilet and flush.